This is probably been brewing awhile and doesn’t really apply to personal life versus work life. It’s just making me crazy and I’m hitting my point where I am going to lose my temper and anyone that knows me, knows how long it takes for me to lose my temper.

Here is my list of things that is making me crazy right now:

1. If you give me a date or we agree to a date for things being due, don’t view that date as flexible. I am giving my clients these dates and the more you make me look like an asshole, the more I don’t want to work with you.

2. If you give me an estimate for a project and you don’t read the requirements or dig in to what the project is until we are hip deep into the deadline and then you want to up the price and/or back out. I will hate you with a 1000 pinpoints of laser anger. I may have to still work with you to get out of this mess but my blood pressure and your anti-karma points will rise considerably.

3. If you are a client and I have bent over backwards to make your shit good and work and you still don’t get it and are “nickle and diming” me for HUGE changes and throwing around your weight, bravado and ego, I don’t want to help you succeed. For me to lose empathy is huge.

4. If you have been a client of mine forever and I have gone over and beyond to help you company succeed and you set me up to fail without or worse lie to me and make me look like an ass and then BLAME me. I want to immediately start charging you the “asshole” tax and your goals stop being a priority to me.

Do I sound bitter? I am. Do I sound pissed? I am.
I’m tired, so tired of putting 100% of my self into getting business done and finding that people and companies are slumping it or worse sandbagging me.

• I know everyone has pressures and there is politics but you know what, I have always been upfront and honest with you.
• I have always sacrificed my time and sometimes my profits for you
• I have always given you the benefit of the doubt, whether you are client, vendor, freelancer or employee

If want to look back and find out where I went from someone who was easy going and always willing to understand to someone who doesn’t care about your personal issues, your other obligations, or your fucking feelings, this is the point.

If you give me a date and you don’t meet it, it consider your ass fired. If you want a bid and need a cheap price, go find another fucking company. I have the experience, the knowledge and the talent and that comes with a price.

The days where I give a rat’s ass about anyone else’s ASS is over.

12 years owning a company and my compassion and empathy just died.
I buried in the back with my desire to date and my need to find “Mr. Right”.

Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
And as I climb into an empty bed,
Oh well, enough said,
I know it’s over still I cling,
I don’t know where else I can go,
Over.
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
See the sea wants to take me,
The knife wants to slit me,
Do you think you can help me,
Sad veiled bride please be happy,
Handsome groom give her room,
Loud loutish lover treat her kindly,
Though she needs you more than she loves you,
I know it’s over – still I cling,
I don’t know where else I can go – over; Over.
I know it’s over and it never really began,
But in my heart it was so real,
And you even spoke to me and said,
“If you’re so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?”
“And if you’re so clever then why are you on your own tonight?”
“And if you’re so very entertaining then why are you on your own tonight?”
“And if you’re so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?”
I know,
Because tonight is just like any other night,
That’s why you’re on your own tonight,
With your triumphs and your charms,
while they’re in each other’s arms,
It’s so easy to laugh it’s so easy to hate,
it takes strength to be gentle and kind,
over and over and over.
It’s so easy to laugh it’s so easy to hate,
It takes guts to be gentle and kind,
Over, over.
Love is natural and real,
But not for you my love,
Not tonight my love.
Love is natural and real,
But not for such as you and I my love,
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head,
Ohhh-ohh,
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.

I hate that first walk. The one you do when you start your exercise program anew. After a long time and a couch. I always think, in my head that I’m much more athletic than I am. My body reminds me that no, I haven’t walked in a long long time. That I haven’t done activity like that in awhile. I’ll get my stamina up again but that first walk. Is always so disheartening because I’m so slow and so winded. Ahhhh. At least I’m moving again.